Nothing but Us, and the STARS

There was this one overcast afternoon that's tattooed in my mind.

We went swimming in the pond even though it was cold as hell. 

(Wait, she pulled me because I refused to go but, it didn't matter because once I was emerged in the water we were embraced. Feeling each other's smooth, wet skin as we smiled and stared into each other's eyes.)

We were together and that's all that mattered.

Swimming with her was so calming and exhilarating. We were each others training wheels, lifting each other up into the air only to return to the water in each others grasp. Everything we did felt like we were moving in slow motion with no worries in the world.

But, we were each others worries. 

She has far away places to go and I'm the extra carry-on that she can't bring with her. We both know there is something that exists between us but, neither one of us will admit it and we both hurt inside because of it. (It only seems that way.)

After swimming in the pond, we returned to the truck wearing nothing but our bathing suits as our wet bodies dripped onto the seats as we scrambled to turn the heater on. (Actually, as I scrambled to turn it on. She just rolled down the window and told me to embrace the cold because we only have so long to live.) 

I guess between us, I would be considered the girl who needs my dates Prom coat to warm me up. But, that's what I like about her. She's what I never could be. She completes me.

While the windows were rolled down, the piercing wind hit my face like a thousand knifes as she laughed and screamed out the window while driving us to her house and I couldn't help but join along. 

In that moment, as the windows were rolled down, I felt infinite. 

I felt like a flightless bird gliding through the cold air of love. I felt like we were the only people that existed on God's green earth and that we would live together for eternity. 

But, I know that will never happen. And she knows that will never happen. But it's moments like this that make us happy. And it's moments like this that we need to cherish. 

Once we were in her house, she cooked me one of her special meals and threw it on a cheap red plastic plate, that had dividers for children, and presented it to me in the most fashionable way. 

I was honored and excited to partake of the special gift she gave me that I heard so much about. 

(Extra filling and with the sauce. The way we both liked it.)

We ate the snack and had small talk about random things that we both enjoy until we went upstairs to her room (still trying to get dry) and layed on her bed because she wanted to show me a CD of different rock songs that she liked (yes, rock songs. We have our differences) 

She turned on the CD and started to dance on the bed. 

Laying below her was like having front row tickets to a U2 concert where the band is performing right above you with the bass blasting in your ears almost to the point where you couldn't hear anything. 

I smiled at her so hard my mouth hurt. 

It eventually came to the point where she was dancing so hard that she fell on top of me. 

My stomach dropped in the moment that her body touched mine. 

Our legs and feet became intertwined like vines, our lips inches away. 

I could feel her breath on me and she could feel mine and I desperately wanted to kiss her but I knew I couldn't. 

"My back hurts," I lied. 

She then offered to give me a massage and I quickly accepted taking off my shirt and laid face down waiting for her warm hands to touch my back. 

I don't remember how long it lasted because I was deep in my subconscious. 

I returned the favor to her and even massaged her feet which is a big step for me with the fact that I loathe feet. 

But, hers didn't bother me. 

The day quickly ended and the stars awakened while we sat on a patch of grass as our fingers crawled to one another quickly realizing that we were wrong. This was wrong. 

But our fingers remained together. 

If I never get married, that day would be the closest thing I would get to a honeymoon and the feelings you experience as if there is nothing in the world but us, and the stars. 

Ever since then we haven't had much contact. 

One missed phone call lead to another. 

Days turned to months.

And soon months will turn into years. 

But, that's what love is isn't it?

Only certain people are meant to be together in love forever. 

She will probably end up marrying the long haired boy she was with previously and that brings me great happiness but also great sorrow that we can't be more. 

For all I know I created a fantasy where we felt something for each other that only existed in my head and mine alone. 

Love is the small and simple things. 

Love is jealousy. 

Love is deceitful. 

Love is extraordinary beauty. 

I'm still looking for love. Come what may. 

-DiMiTRi Snow