The Mask Remains On

I don't know who I am anymore.

I feel like everyday I am a different part of me and most days it's the part I don't want to be. I can see my future around the corner and I'm scared for what I might become. I'm always putting on a show and keeping everything in but that's what I know how to do best.

Another thing I've realized is that I'm a different person with different groups of people and I'm not sure who the real me is. I've been sliced into pieces and have given them to people leaving each slice to transform into what it wants/needs to be. I think I'm frightened to find out what's in the middle of those pieces and so I thrive on stories in books, movies and games of other peoples made up lives and experience their trials because I'm a coward and can't face my own.

Day after day I wear a different mask and each one keeps getting worn down to the point where soon they're going to break and expose my real face.

Cordelia still has me around her finger and I wish I could escape to a different realm where I could see what it's like to live with her by my side without being around the people I know. But, that day will never come. Saying this is hard but, I would rather have a family member be gone, be on the verge of death, or be without a hand if it meant' that Cordelia would leave me forever but God makes no mistakes.

Is there a secret exit out? A fee I have to pay? An eye for an eye?

.......the mask remains on my face until it shatters.

-DiMiTRi Snow